how to explain the escape?

I am well aware of his broken sentences. he seems to think that everyone has it all figured out. I am well aware of my broken sentences. I just can’t seem to get it right.

the past lives on its own, trying to tell me something by sending these people back in my life. without any luck, of course; once the line is drawn, it is drawn.

tonight I have my friend elif y’s song on repeat. the same friend who once said that she doesn’t believe people can change. passionately she sings a cover. she hates the end, she says. I wonder if she still thinks that people can’t change. when I look at my life, all I can see is people changing.

how to explain all this?

the broken sentences?

emptiness?

…the cause of emptiness?

or maybe even the long for a new big city full of strangers who offer you umbrellas and books all of a sudden, the emotional chaos and the passionate hate…all at once?

how to explain the escape?

the difficulty of simplicity

I make a statement.
you answer a question I did not ask.
I get furious,
my eyes glow in anger,
turning red.
I am not blue today,
I am not colorful today,
there are only shades of red in me.
you,
yes, you,
always accuse me for being
someone else,
always wishing that I will change my mind
and paint myself in your favorite colors,
while I wish for another,
someone else’s palette.

burn your imaginary
me.
yes, make her disappear.

keeping it simple

she passes many empty seats as there is something dragging her towards the end

a pair of eyes is gazing at her. she stops

she turns off her iPod

“can I sit here?” she asks

“yes, of course!” he says with a smile

she seems to be a bit confused and turns on her iPod again

he keeps looking at her

she can feel his eyes penetrating her in a way

she wants to switch off her iPod and turn around, but is somehow afraid. he glows too much

……

silence

……

she turns around and smiles at him

his phone rings

he starts talking with a British accent

he talks in short sentences

“yeah, we have a gig… no, I am going to Bergen first…”

she turns off her iPod

he keeps looking at her

he smiles

she smiles back

“I think I’m gonna see if someone around here is up for a…”

she waits and hopes he will end the conversation soon

they smile at each other once again

he talks in short sentences

his friends doesn’t stop talking

the train stops

she gets off

…and doesn’t look back.

definitions, ghosts & a fairy tale

I say time out…

…and I am finally coming to terms with the fact that there is something unconscious, at times subconscious, that haunts me and makes me haunt something that I am not able to, or even afraid to define.

I have been writing on a short film script called Definitions for a long time, which could be in opposition of what I started believing in six months ago when I, in one way or another, let go of all the definitions in my life. Instead of stating the exact meaning of a word, a phrase, a thought or even a person, I started searching for and writing about alternative definitions.

2007 taught me that it is not time that heals all the pain or that you get used to it as time passes by; it is the new adventures, the strangers, the new places that are the healers. They prepare you for the next ghost in your life, but you always hope for someone who doesn’t become a ghost.

Today is the first day of 2008 and I have decided that this year is going to be like a fairy tale without any ghosts…

…and with a happy ending, of course, like in all fairy tales.